three goals

riley wells met this big old world on september 22nd 2010. i don't know if it was before he was a "he" or after, but i made three goals sometime around his debut.

1. breast feed baby #2 for a whole year.

2. run a 5k.

3. lose weight.

three goals in one year. two of which i had never reached before. one of which i had only obtained when it meant losing 20 pounds...not 120 pounds (ok, slight exaggeration). but three goals, three HARD goals, i was sure i was going to fail.

i didn't nurse addison. she was a big, lazy girl. i wasn't convinced i could (cough, wanted) to do it. i was still working and the thought of saying "um, excuse mr. president of samford univeristy, i need to go pump". i am modest and having to pump at work meant me exposing a little much of myself to clients. so i spent a day feeling sorry for myself and then jumped, happily, on the formula train. with riley wells, i was staying home. no more work (and no more second income) and i wanted to nurse him. i had a desire. and a goal. for one year to breast feed.

goal #1 - accomplished.

i have never run a 5k. i don't know if i have ever really run long distances consistently. ever. i can remember one night my freshman year, kel and i were at ramsey on the track and we just started running and talking...and just kept on running. i remember thinking that it actually felt good to run but for some reason i think i convinced myself it was just a fluke. that for one night i just had super running powers that would never stay with me. when i lived on martha's vineyard one summer in college, one of my roommates was a big runner and i remember her telling me "anyone can run, whitney. it is just a mind game". so, however many years later, i finally told my mind i was going to do it. with the help of a certain amazing friend (who happened to run track for tennessee) and LOTS to talk about and keep my mind off of the pain, i ran my first 5k on oct. 15th.

goal #2 - accomplished.

which brings me to goal #3. the dreaded weight loss. if you are a long time reader, you have read my beginnings of many diets on here...and by the lack of posts, you knew my failures. i gained a TON of weight with addison. weight that i never really lost. i didn't gain that much with riley wells, but i didn't have much room to work with. and by the end i was actually about 18 pounds less when i had him as opposed to addison. but after the 6 weeks and settling in of postpartum, i was exactly the same with riley as i was with addison. and that was a LONG way from where i was pre-baby. and by mean LONG, i mean a LONG WAY.

the weekend we went to the masters in april, we also went strawberry picking and my stepfather took a picture of me. i did not like that picture. in fact i hated that picture. that night i signed up for weight watchers.

as of saturday i have lost 45 pounds. my goal is to lose 53 to reach goal weight. for the past 6 weeks or so i have been telling myself that if i don't lose any more, it is ok, i am happy with where i am. which is true to some extent. do not get me wrong, i am MORE than thankful to have lost the weight. i feel good. i am in shape. i am humbled and so thankful to be where i am. BUT i haven't reach my goal. and i finally realized this past week that i don't like it. i set a goal, i want to reach it.

i haven't written about my journey at all on the blog. mainly because in the past, when i wrote about losing weight, i failed. it is like i would hype myself up too much. does that even make sense? i know, weird.

so goal #3 - somewhat accomplished...but still not quite.

you would think after 45 lbs, 8 would be a piece of cake. instead the cake has been eaten. now is the time to put it back down and rev up the engines.