this and that in the tingle house

it's after midnight. i should be working but instead i shed a tear. ok, lots of tears. tears i have had hidden behind these eyes. tears that i have kept addison from seeing. tears that need to be shed.

she is so ready. i, too, am so ready.

but the fear creeps in. slowly, quietly. have i prepared her enough. have i taught her enough. will she be brave. will she lend a hand to that friend in class who has dropped his pencils. will she run and help the sweet girl who fell on the playground and hurt her knee. will she seek out those who are shy and make them feel comforted. will she remember she has a GOOD God that is with her every single step of the day.will she know how much i miss her.

will she let me kiss her goodbye in the mornings. will she let me run and hug the stuff out of her when i pick her up. will she like my lunches and my snacks i make for her. will she miss me.

she is so ready. maybe, i'm not really ready.

riley calls her su-su. he wakes up every morning asking for su-su. he adores his su-su. i don't think riley is ready either. poor guy, he is about to get overloaded with some mommy love.

so she goes to kindergarten. my only saving grace is that every other mother in america has been here, done this. and they survived. i have hidden these tears because little miss is so excited. she cannot wait to learn to read. and make friends. and go to the library. but when she sees me get the tiniest bit weepy, she retreats. says she's not ready. that she wants to be with me. at home. 

so i am letting it all out in the middle of the night. being soooo dramatic about it. and now laughing at myself through these tears. do you know i spent 2 hours at walmart today picking out the PERFECT lunches and snacks so that she will know how much i love her? nuts. kindergarten mom kind of nuts.

i think i got all the tears out. for now. and now i am tired and need sleep.

nite nite.